expectations for gender communication: then and now
Describe/reflect on: (a) one interaction with your parent(s) or guardian(s) (the earliest you can remember) that communicated expectations for your gender, and (b) the most recent interaction with someone who communicated expectations for your gender.
One early interaction I remember having with my father was him fondly calling me a silly nickname for Abbie, “Abbage Cabbage,” and quoting the following phrase to me: “Abbage Cabbage, puddin’ and pie, kissed the boys and made them cry.” When I was younger, I would get grumpy and defensive when he said that, but his tone and manner were always positive and praising – like he admired me for having the kind of spunk that inspire that kind of silly joke. He didn’t say anything like that about my sister – she was the sweet one. And as a child, I resented the contrast. However, the older I became, the more I realized a) how much I loved that little joke, and b) how much insight my dad had into my character, even at a young age, and the influence my dad’s words had on the kind of strong woman I grew up to become.
A recent interaction I had that communicated expectations for my gender actually occurred this week while walking into the office building where I work. For several weeks, a middle-aged man who works in another office in the same building has been standing outside the front door acting friendly, but in a way that I find off-putting, irritating and unwelcome. This week, I parked and was instantly annoyed to see him standing by the front door, which meant that I had to walk right by him and engage in whatever conversation topic he decide to bring up. This particular day, I was walking quickly, not making eye contact, and was probably expressing my irritation on my face. His comment of the day: “You always look so serious walking up here. You should smile more.” That was somewhat the straw that broke the camels back, so my response was, “You should work more, instead of standing outside all day.” (Probably not what his expectation was for my gender.)
